Friday Fodder

My favorite scorned woman is back. She's going bonkers....literally. I just wasted 4 minutes of my life I'm never going to get back. However, I think the best part was when the crazy bitch started rocking out to a song called "Bonkers" at 3:40 in the video.


Hilfuckingarious.

Maturity doesn't bring wisdom

As boys get older, it seems that they just mature into bigger idiots than they were when they were in their teens. My point is Marc Dann, Ohio's former attorney general. What a flaming idiot! Like most politicians, he was involved in a sexual harassment scandal that blew up in his face, forcing him to resign after impeachment papers were thrown his way and an investigation by the Republicans. (I paraphrased -- read the full article for all the juicy details.)

Aren't you boys ever going to learn? When you are a public figure of any kind, you can't do that stuff anymore. I mean, you can, but get ready for your personal life to be splashed across the front pages every newspaper. You can't sleep with prostitutes, cheat on your wife without getting caught, crash vehicles that the state owned when you are drunk or wrongly fire people -- you just can't. It didn't work for Bill Clinton, Eliot Spitzer, Rob Lowe, Sean Penn, Hugh Grant and the list goes on and on.

It's like the more money and power a man gets (just in this case of course), the worse decisions he could make on a daily basis. As one of my coworkers just put it, just admit it if you are a scumbag right off the bat. Don't act like you are the Brady's because we all know you are faking it anyway. Plus, when your scandal does finally leak, your only public statement should be, "Well, I told you I was a scumbag from the beginning."

Sign on the dotted line

It's that time again. We received a letter from our leasing office informing us we have until May 18 to resign our lease. We had our little talk, discussed our options and decided to stay in this sweet apartment for another year of living in sin.

It's been fun, weird, challenging, annoying and lovely all at the same. Although I joke, sometimes on a daily basis that I'm moving out, I'm going to sign up for another year with the BF. Who knew you had to work at a relationship! It can be work I tell ya. It's definitely not all sex and rock n' roll.

You want reality MTV? Once you are done milking all you can out of Lauren Conrad and her BFFs, come and film the BF styling his hair in the morning! Although it's not nearly as bad as Joey from the Real World, he might be able to give him a run for his money. I bet he could help him calm down the Sonic the hedgehog effect he has going on.

Bad example of living together: Hollywood style

I don't even need to comment. I really don't. How do you say "so not going to work out" in Mariah's lingo?


Not only did they get married after only dating for a few weeks or months, they are going to join the tattoo laser removal club. Did you see the size of Nick's tat across his back? Holy crap that is ballsy and going to be quite expensive to remove. At least hers is a tramp stamp -- a couple rounds with a laser can shrink that.

BF - If you love me and are reading this, buy me a new Louis Vuitton purse. Don't waste your time getting a tattoo to profess your love. A new bag will do just fine. And, quite frankly, probably last a hell of a lot longer.

Friday Fodder

Back on March 5, the BF passed me this large note with a checklist titled "Things you must do to make me happier."

He checked off about 20 odd things I should do "from now on" to make him happier. It's pretty funny. I need to find out where he pulled this from because I could create one long ass list for him. Anyway, here are his responses for what I should do from now on to make him happier -- or else.

1)Tell me I'm smart. (Ha!)
2)Blow your nose softer. (Get over it.)
3)Smile and nod. (I do. Then I speak my mind.)
4)Get off your high horse. (His is higher than mine.)
5)Admire my ass. (Poor kid. Hardly has one.)
6)Become famous. (Does having a blog count?)
7)Kill that spider. (That's what YOU are for.)
8)Do what I say. (Are you f'ing serious!)

Here are some things the BF should work on immediately.

1)Pulling away from the TV and acknowledge when I talk to you.
2)Learn to like new foods --eating tomatoes and mushrooms isn't going to kill you.
3)Improve driving skills. (At times, I'm afraid for my life.)
4)Stop thinking you can decorate. (We had this discussion. I win if I pay for it all.)

Weekend hangover

Well, my little four day break from the BF is over. He's coming back from a work trip in San Francisco some time later tonight. I think he thoroughly enjoyed himself. I know I did because I had a packed weekend of events. On Friday, two friends and I watched 27 dresses, ate unhealthy cheese dip and starbursts (bad combo). On Saturday because it was a downpour, I had this bright idea to hang curtains in the dining room before he got back.

One) Just to prove I can.
Two) So I could pick it out without his opinion. (You may remember that as long as I'm footing the bill, he has little to no say in the decor. His rules, not mine.)

Well, I didn't. I was bored with the selections in Target and think I'm going to whip something up from the fabric store. Anyway, my college friend came over, we chatted and hung out until she had to jet off to a wedding. Then, off to Cleveland's fashion week (we have one too) for Unclothed, a Cool Cleveland party. I was actually impressed with the turn out. It was a very eclectic group of people from the art/fashion world of Cleveland. Here's a round-up from the event from Kim Crow at the Plain Dealer if you want to read more.

To end the night, I met friends at Willoughby Panini's with no BFs present at all. Felt like college again. Can we go back? Seriously. Because I want to. Only sometimes on weekends like this past one.

Face it.

The BF took the liberty to throw a picture of me up on Facestat.com. He wanted to see what people thought of my picture. He continues to amaze me with the dumb shit he does. After he sent me the e-mail, he calls me immediately to see my reaction. I've never heard of this site so I have no idea what this means. I just see a picture of me on a Web page. Then, I find out it's real and am going to have to think of some retailation method. Perhaps stealing his credit card and buying new shoes will work.

Besides the fact that my right eye is scaring me, people think I'm a Califorian, liberal, dating and bright (of course because I am). Oh, and they also think I'm 32. Maybe I should grow out my hair so I look 25 again.

Check out the weight categories. What the F is "skin and bones" and "o the extreme!" If you have low self-esteem, don't upload your photo.