fake diamonds are not your friends

Dear Mariah,

I'm a huge fan. Huge. I've loved your voice since back when Dreamlover was released. When Butterfly was released, I didn't let that CD leave my boombox for months. (iPods didn't exist back then.) I even still jam to Honey every once in awhile on iTunes. However, let's talk about your obsession with butterflies. I understand that it was a symbol for you when you finally broke up with your old man or whatever back in the day. Ok, that was then and this is now.

Please stop wearing crystal butterfly fake tattoos. Even 12-year-olds don't wear those and since you are eternally 12, neither should you. Ask your friends. They will tell you the truth. If they don't, I suggest you find new ones because they are lying to your face and laughing at you with each red carpet pose. That dress is absolutely amazing and you looked phenomenal from the front. When you turned around it looked you like forgot to remove your latest party foul from Saturday night.

Sincerely,
Allison M.

Bad example of living together: Hollywood style

I don't even need to comment. I really don't. How do you say "so not going to work out" in Mariah's lingo?


Not only did they get married after only dating for a few weeks or months, they are going to join the tattoo laser removal club. Did you see the size of Nick's tat across his back? Holy crap that is ballsy and going to be quite expensive to remove. At least hers is a tramp stamp -- a couple rounds with a laser can shrink that.

BF - If you love me and are reading this, buy me a new Louis Vuitton purse. Don't waste your time getting a tattoo to profess your love. A new bag will do just fine. And, quite frankly, probably last a hell of a lot longer.