Jersey Shore coming to Cleveland

What? Your friends don't look like that?

In honor of the start of another horrendous yet highly-addicting show known as the Jersey Shore, my friend Lia is debating on having a party Thursday night to celebrate this train wreck of a show I can't stop watching. (Oh, and I think we should all dress up as the Jersey Shore for Halloween, but we have a few months to get that going.)

This is the same girl who threw a Gossip Girl party at the start of the season and will probably host another one this fall. She had "I heart NY" cookies, punch and we all had to wear headbands. Of course, right!

In case Lia feels like bailing with her party, I figured I'd help her plan it (with all of your help of course).

Some must-have's at this party:
-Hair gel
-Stilletos, preferably clear ones like you would find on a stripper's feet
-Shirts worn as dresses
-Hair extensions
-Poofy hair straightened
-Self tanner
-Black eyeliner and
-Fist pumping music

Oh, and let's not forget to use the Jersey Shore Name Generator. On Thursday, I will simply be known as "A-Scream."

What am I missing and what is your Jersey Shore name?

Dear Enrique: I still heart you.

Must be a slow day

You know it's a slow news day when:

The public cares if Kevin Federline loses weight on a TV show.

People has not one story but two stories on the youngest and most idiotic Kardashian sister

Tyra Banks likes to be naked and admits this on to Larry King. Maybe he's running out of guests. Who is next? Khloe Kardashian?

Jessica Simpson's dog gets taken by a coyote. My only question is: if you saw the dog get taken, do you really think a reward will work? I mean, did you really think the coyote would halt from eating the dog because you posted a reward?

Friday Fodder

For some reason, I wanted to hear sappy 80s pop music today and I'm not quite sure. Some of these 80s songs make me instantly happy.

Venus - Bananarama
How can we be lovers if we can't be friends - Michael Bolton
Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley
Party all the Time - Eddie Murphy
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper

But, I'm pretty sure these vampires would challenge those biatches from Twilight any day.




P.S. Was the person who choreographed this video drunk? Or maybe the girls made it up themselves.

terms of endearment

A post-it note plastered to my mirror from the BF.



I couldn't remember my bike combination yesterday. (Yes, I have a bike because I'm getting into shape.) He bought a lock for me about a month ago and I never wrote the combo down. (He told me once when he first bought it and I've never had to lock it up.) Yesterday when I went for a ride, he tells me to lock it up if I go in the Metroparks to run.

As I'm jumping on my bike....
Me: I don't know the combination.
BF: Didn't you write it down?
Me: No, didn't you?
BF: No, I told you what it was when I got it.
Me: Well, I don't remember that. It was forever ago and you just told me the code once. I need more repetition than that to remember some random 4 digit code.

This was stuck to my mirror so I wouldn't forget and probably not blame him for not telling me.

make me glow

For all of you who have been following my crazy friends and their comments, no, I do not look like Ross after being spray tanned.

I'm pale. I am. It's just how it is. I apparently inherited the pale portion from my mixed roots from Croatia, Hungary and Poland. My mom is more olive toned and can tan after an hour in the sun and so can my brother. Well, my dad is the opposite and I'm somewhere in the middle - I do burn but I tan at the same time.

After reading a scary Allure article and hearing about Alexa from Cleveland's a Plum friend (in Glamour too), I vowed to quit indoor tanning FOR GOOD.

I was done. Quit cold turkey. With all the sunless lotions and bronzer, I've made my way through the winter with my natural skin tone and knowing I will look less of an old hag than those who tan year round as I age.

Do I lay out? Yes, in moderation. I wear SPF 45 all over and huge glasses or a hat to protect my face. I'm all for plastic surgery. A little nip here and there, but I don't want to need a full face lift by the time I'm 40. Do you know how many Louis Vuitton bags I can have for that price tag??? Or beach vacations? Or dirty vodka martinis?

So after the beautiful Cleveland weather we had this past weekend, a friend brought my new favorite tanning salon to my attention - Glow Tan & Spa. I tried it out and loved it. There are three levels - natural, medium and dark. Like I said, I'm like Casper so I opted for the natural color. Plus, I'm not trying to look like Paris Hilton or Tara Reid.

Before looking at a pasty white arm.


After looking at a glowing arm.


After looking at a glowing face!


If you are in the Cleveland area and want a nice glow for the rainy week, head over to Glow and make an appointment with my new friend Callie.

Can you hear me now?

After much thought and self evaluation, I've come to a major conclusion: I am loud.

Nothing I seem to do is ever quiet.

I talk loud. I sneeze loud. I blow my nose extremely loud. I type loud. I answer the phone loud. I even walk loud. I put my heels down first then my toes which makes this pounding noise when you run upstairs and makes a loud clicking noise in heels. (My mom does the same thing so it must be genetic.)

I even manage to put things away loudly. Every morning, when I'm trying really hard to be quiet and not wake the BF up, I seem to knock something over. EVERYTIME.

If I'm putting away the tooth paste, I accidentally hit the deodorant which falls, knocking over my face lotion that creates this domino effect of noise in my cabinet. It's even worse when you accidentally cause this domino effect and it sends your new perfume flying and crashing onto the bathroom floor.

Glass + falling fast + tile floor don't mix well. At all.

WTF! How is that possible? Or, I open the bathroom door which is so close to the flat iron cord, pulling it off the counter because the cord gets stuck on the door stopper and it sends the flat iron crashing onto the tile floor. (If you want to purchase one more often, keep doing this because pretty soon the paddles will come out. Chi loves my clumsiness.)

I'm a klutz or as the BF says, a bull in a china shop. He sometimes lovingly refers to me as Sammy the bull.

Dating traits 101

Last night as I was trying to watch Desperate Housewives (yes, some of us have stuck through all seasons, the BF was reading to me "five traits a guy should have before getting serious."

For kicks, I encourage him to read them out loud and pause DH because this will probably get funny at some point. We laugh about them and I immediately say it's all lame, so here's my take on these traits that every man should have before you get serious....supposedly.

Dating Trait #1: He Knows What He Wants
Does anyone ever really know what they want? Ever? If they did, would the divorce rate really be at that crazy high number?

Dating Trait #2: He Has a Sunny Outlook
What the hell is this about? I have a sunny outlook most days except when people can't drive in rain, wreck their cars and cause me to be late into the morning. I also have a sunny outlook with my daily workouts, which I'm kicking ass by the way, until grown women can't read signs distinguishing the walk vs. run lanes, walk with their purses and take up 60% of the track. (If you are working out, put the damn purse down.)

Dating Trait #3: He's Open to Changing for You
WHAT! Does that mean everything I ever read in Seventeen isn't true? Newsflash - I'm pretty sure he's not going to change and neither are you.

Dating Trait #4: He's Still a Little Mysterious
Um... mysterious like sexy mysterious or I-have-a-secret-porn-addiction mysterious.

Dating Trait #5: He's Responsible with Money
Ok, this might be the only one I agree with because I sure can learn a thing or two from someone who is responsible with their money. I'm getting better, slowly but surely, I'm improving.

What are the dating traits you look for in men or women?