Beautiful morning

The BF has seen my beautiful face for almost every morning for a year now. He sees me at my best all dolled up (not with tranny make-up), and then my more natural self in the morning.

I get it. Girls aren't always as strikingly gorgeous in the morning as when you met them 6 beers in at that dark club. Or, with tons of make-up on. But, we aren't that ugly in the morning.

"Allison, you're beautiful, just not in the morning." I'm pretty sure I laughed out loud at him when he first told me this. What guy in there right mind says that to his girlfriend and doesn't expect a hard slap? Stupid boys. Although, it's not like he looks like Brad Pitt in the morning either - hello, morning breath. Gross! Sick! I'm not a fan of morning makeouts. It only happens in movies, not real life people.

I admit it. I don't look that hot in the a.m. My eyes are slightly puffy but nothing out of the exorcist or worse, Pam Anderson. (Now there's a chick who needs all the tranny make-up help she can get.) Apparently, I'm scary to the BF and my mask makes it worse.

How scary is your girlfriend or boyfriend in the morning?

Friday Fodder

Marriage tips? From a priest? I'm still not a believer.

A 79-year-old priest is giving out marital advice and apparently people are listening.

Most of what he said can be ripped from any issue of Cosmo or even Men's Health.
Obviously you can't change a person. And, I'm always weary of girls/guys who don't have a close group of friends. There is an issue there. I don't care what anyone says. And, if the priest is agreeing with me, something is either very wrong or very right.

You've got mail

I never get the mail. I don't. I don't think I about, I don't really "forget" I'm not getting it until the BF reminds me or I'm wondering my new issue of Lucky is. Just not a priority for me until the BF goes away for a few days.

He's out in Lala land until Friday enjoying the sunshine, eating at great restaurants and looking at the beach from a Santa Monica hotel room. Yep, I'm jealous to say the least.

However, every time the BF leaves for a few days, the first thing he walks in the door says is "hi" and then "did you get mail?"

Now. If that isn't love, I don't know what the hell is.

Love on a reality show

Truth be told, I think the lights, Hollywood hills home and constant cameras can make anyone fall in love. Take the Bachelorette or Bachelor for example. I don't typically watch this show. You've seen one, hell, you've seen them all. Girls love guy, guy makes out with girls, girls cry and fight with each other and someone wins at the end - or at least until the season finale.

Well, let's hope in this case it isn't true. I've watched every DVR'd episode of this season's bachelorette, called my friends during commercial breaks, messaged Jesse and even thought I figured out how it would end. Jesse, her now fiance, and I are friends from our days back in high school - way back to the class of 2001. Based on rumored information, I thought he'd make it to the top four. That was it. Come on - did you see him in InTouch weekly with the hideous technicolor coat on? Anyway, he said that "America would hate him on the first episode." I now know that he was just trying to throw me off the whole time. My friend Gretchen and I had a master plan that Deanna wouldn't pick him and he'd be the next bachelor.

Well, I guess we shouldn't be betting women because we would've owed someone a lot of money. Good luck, lovers.

Date her

OK, calling all you single, good-looking, responsible, career-focused men of the greater Cleveland area. Mel is ready to mingle with you.

Here are a few of her dealbreakers
1. Kids with multiple baby-mommas
2. Men in their 30s (and beyond)who still do whippets
3. White furniture with brass accents
4. Someone that keeps me waiting


Here's what she has to say:
That being said, I declared I am ready to date because there are also many things I miss as being part of a couple — again, things that were missing from this last year’s roll in the hay.

So, if you are up to the challenge, read her blog, e-mail her (no creeps allowed) and just maybe you can go kayaking with her.

Sex in the watermelon

Here's the secret to better sex. Forget Maxim and Kama Sutra - it's f'ing watermelon. Start eating the rind and you can expect similar results from Viagra.


Check it out.

Cougar hunting

Saturdays can get lame. The same old bars, people and d-bags in those same old bars. Well, my friends and I decided to liven things up and head to a Catholic school's festival. (Granted, we had all gone to Catholic schools at some point in our lives. But who the hell let us in?)

It was a hop, skip and drunk walk from our (me and the BF) friend's house. So, the boys played cornhole and got their asses handed to them by some 35-year-old who probably had kids in this school. This, I might add, pissed the boys off. They have spent years perfecting their game in the BF's friend's backyard... only to get beat by a dad??!!

Later that night, after a bottle of wine, my friend Michelle and I walked back over to Casino night to give the boys more money and scout for these so-called C.C's (Catholic cougars). Holy crap were we out of place. Cougars, W.T., old men and a woman with a Virgin Mary t-shirt were in this place. So, we gambled with dollars and ended up giving some our money to the church. (I'm not a fan of churches to begin with, but since it did have something to do with my upbringing, I felt I could throw $20 at it to get some good entertainment.)

I was dissapointed by the lack of cougars that I heard about at the previous casino night. There were a few here and there. Apparently at the last casino night (yes, there is more than one), they were prowling like vultures and hit on a few of the guys with their husbands close by their sides. (Swingers? In a Catholic church?)

I guess it just goes to show you that God loves all his children - swinger, cougar or not.