zoom zoom my ass

Two years ago, I made an awful mistake.

I was so ready to get rid of my Fusion, I traded it in for a quick lease on a Mazda 3.

Worst. Mistake. Ever.

So happy in my shiny, new car

The car drives like a go-kart and I swear Mario is going to pop up next to me. Not to mention it sounds like the wind is coming through my windows and I have to turn the stereo up to 15 with the windows down to hear any of the words from the music. Plus, the sunroof might as well not exist because it is incredibly noisy.

Yes, I test drove it.

No, I didn't notice any of these things at the time because I was blinded by the shiny new ride.

I'm easily distracted by sparkly things. This is true.

Well, this shiny thing isn't so any more thanks to the snow and ice pile at the end of my driveway.

Front left bumper, slightly popped out

Do I hate driving this car? Yes

Do I hate driving this car even more? Oh yes.

Do I hate that it's going to cost money because I can't back out of my driveway? Oh yes and yes.

Well, at least it's the weekend, right?

don't pick up

 I interrupt this regular blog post to share breaking news:

Get off your phones!

That's right - all you people talking on your phones on your morning commute, to pick up the kids or on the way to dinner, get the hell off your phones.

Each morning last week on my short 10 minute commute to work on 271 south, I count at least 10 cars on their phones. I know they are talking because they either swerve slightly to the left or slow up the traffic pattern by going 60 mph in the left lane. Or, they look over their right shoulder to get over, turn on the turn signal, then have to look again with their neck in this weird cocked position because they are trying not to drop their phone. You know what I'm talking about, right?

I'm going a mere 8 miles and all those people are talking on their phones. They are talking on their phones and messing up the traffic pattern. Most of the offenders are women who can't drive as it is (sorry, statistics say we can't), so I'm not sure how diverting attention away from the road makes sense to anyone.

Since I've had the Malibu, I have bluetooth and have been using it religiously in the car. I'm no saint - I talked all the time in the car. It's just about time I stop. Cold turkey. No talking while driving and sure as hell no texting.

If you text or tweet while driving, that's just plain stupid. It can wait. Really, it can. At least wait until a red light and not when you are driving 70 mph an hour.

Say it with me Clevelanders - get off your phones.

Off roadin' it

I'm the first to say women can't drive. We can't. We are too busy singing to music, messing with our phones, yelling at the kids in the back seat or at our significant other.

I'm personally distracted by shiny objects.

Now, I have a feeling this is a woman driver and not only because that's what the YouTube description says.

First off, look at the wide turn into the space. (Only women do that as they talk with their right hand grasping the cell phone and maneuver the wheel with the left.) Plus, with the sudden acceleration, you know the woman was probably talking to friend and she hit the pedal to run to a Sak's sale. Oops.

Then, as she drives over the unsuspecting white Neon, she reverses (as she's talking to her friend) who then fills her in on another sale at Nordstrom's. She waits and listens for directions to the sale and drives over the mall. Why sit and wait for the police when you are missing a perfectly good shoe sale?



Damn hidden cameras - they will get you everytime.